I finished it in the early morning of the 24th.
After I was done recording the vocals, I ended up spending a whole week making adjustments to the song; there was nothing worse than not having a Christmas song in time for Christmas, so to make sure I finished in time, I even went straight home after the school’s closing ceremony on the 23rd and locked myself in my room to work, which led to spending the entire night making the last adjustments, finishing the mixdown, and uploading the completed song. By that time, light had already begun to stream in from behind the curtains.
As I threw myself onto my bed, an irresistible wave of sleepiness washed over me, but I had to keep it from dragging me under just yet; I had a packed schedule to follow today, and since it started with arriving at Rinko’s house by 12 PM, I couldn’t afford to accidentally sleep in. It was only after I set an alarm for 11 AM – taking into account preparation and travel time – that I finally surrendered myself to sleep.
I had no dreams; it was more like I had fallen unconscious, and when my alarm sounded, I woke up disoriented, feeling like little time had passed from when I’d fallen asleep.
I forced myself up and into the shower to wake up, and then changed my clothes. Then, at the entrance, my sister suddenly appeared and stopped me.
“You can’t go out dressed like that when you’re meeting up with a girl on the Eve, Mako.”
“How do you know I’m meeting up with a girl?”
“I can tell just by looking. You’ve even got your present.”
She pointed at the bag I was holding. Why was she always so perceptive about these kinds of things?
And so, without giving me an opportunity to complain, she coordinated an outfit for me and forced me to change into it: black skinny jeans, a long white T-shirt, and a milano ribbed sweater.
“And I’ll lend you my peacoat to go over everything.”
“But it’s for girls!”
“It won’t be a problem; because of how thin you are, you have a natural I-line that can fit into women’s clothes.”
By now there was no time for me to argue, so I just put the coat on and rushed out of the house.
Still, when I looked myself over in the train station restroom, I begrudgingly had to admit my ensemble did look pretty good… But I wasn’t about to thank her for it! I absolutely would not!
This was my second time visiting the Saejima home.
I rode the train for fifteen minutes before getting off, only to see a familiar forty-something floor apartment building towering over me. It wasn’t exactly a place I had fond memories of; the only other time I’d come here was when Rinko had skipped school after an argument with her parents. Back then, three of us had barged right over.
And so I wanted to avoid meeting Rinko’s mother at all costs — she really wasn’t at home now, right? I prayed deep in my heart that she really wasn’t as I punched in the house number.
Relief washed over me when Rinko’s voice came over the intercom, and after she buzzed me in, I took the elevator to the 25th floor.
When Rinko opened the door to welcome me in, she froze in place, her eyes widening as she looked me over.
“…Did your sister pick out your clothes?”
“How’d you know?”
“I can’t imagine you would ever choose to wear an outfit like this — it’s too stylish and fits you too well.”
“Thanks, I guess?”
That wasn’t… praising me, right? Rinko was just being herself, as usual.
“In fact, you look so good that people won’t even suspect you’re cross-dressing.”
“But I’m not cross-dressing!”
She then led me to the living room. I was already expecting it to be big, but it was about 60% larger than even what I had imagined… Wait a minute, and they had a separate living room and dining room? I never knew people could live this luxuriously; this was all looking more like a showroom than an actual home.
Today, Rinko wore a white, long-sleeved blouse over a darker one-piece that flared out, and she seemed to exude an aura like that of a real noble lady. We somehow ended up wearing similar colors, making me feel awkward and unsure of where I should be looking.
“I made sandwiches, so let’s eat at the sofa. No one else is home right now, so you can just relax.”
As she spoke, Rinko pressed some buttons on a remote, and a TV at the back of the living room – one so large I couldn’t guess how many inches it was – turned on to show a dimly-lit concert hall that seemed to be inside a church. There were decorated Christmas trees lined up behind the orchestra, and the boys choir all wore lovely red and white costumes.
The orchestra, led by Nikolaus Harnoncourt, a master of classical music, began playing a gorgeous intro at a relaxed tempo. Rinko, after ducking into the kitchen, returned with a large tray that she placed on the table; on it were plates with sandwiches and a salad.
“Did you… make all of this? I thought you said you didn’t know how to cook.”
“I bought the ingredients, and then told my brother what to make, which means it’s the same as me making it. I hope you enjoy it.”
“That isn’t the same at all!”
Rinko furrowed her eyebrows in response.
“Say, Murase-kun. Would you happen to know who it is that receives the Academy Award for Best Picture?”
“What’s with the sudden question? And, well… the producer gets it, right?”
“Right, so in other words, the award belongs to the person who funded and organized the production. In other words, the credit for this meal belongs to me.”
“Yeah, okay, fine, take your Award for Best Lunch!” I gave in; Rinko always seemed to have a rebuttal ready.
To be fair, the sandwich and salad really were tasty enough to be “Oscar-worthy”… And then I realized Rinko had just casually mentioned something important in passing.
“Hey, wait, you said your brother made this, so… you have a brother? This is the first time you’ve mentioned him.”
When I thought about it, I actually didn’t know a whole lot about the families of the girls of PNO.
“So how old is he? Is he a college student?”
“No, he’s just an office worker,” Rinko said. “He works for a foreign company, and they have long Christmas holidays, so he’s always at home around this time of year. This time, I just had him make the food, and then I kicked him out.”
“I feel so bad for your brother that I think I might get indigestion from eating all this…”
“I mean, it would bother you if he were here, right?”
“Urgh…”
I couldn’t deny that it was easier to relax knowing only Rinko was here, but still…
“Just don’t think about it and focus on Bach,” Rinko continued, pointing at the TV.
The voices of Peter Schreier and Kurt Moll did sound beautiful, and there was also a freshness to seeing the boys choir handle the altos and sopranos both. Still, it was hard for me to relax knowing all of this came at Rinko’s brother’s expense.
“It’s not that I don’t want to treat you to a home-cooked meal of my own, Murase-kun, but that would mean telling my mother and father you would be coming over. I had no choice but to take advantage of my brother.”
“You know, you’re just making me feel even more guilty…”
So her parents still didn’t approve of the whole band thing, huh… Was it really all right for me to be here then? At the very least, I’ll have to try not to leave behind any evidence that gave away me being here.
“But I mean, you could’ve just ordered pizza or something, right?”
“You may be fine with just that, Murase-kun, but I wouldn’t be.”
That’s… Wait, what are you trying to say here?
“The truth is, I really did want to make it myself, but I couldn’t just have you eat something that I made badly or for practice. And with the live happening tomorrow, I can’t put my fingers at risk by cooking, either. Or, you know, maybe I’ll just never be able to learn how to cook, for the rest of my life…”
“Is it really a problem if you don’t know how to cook? Everyone has things they’re good at and things they’re bad at.”
“Then, if I never do learn how to cook, you will have to cook for me forever, Murase-kun. Are you really fine with that?”
“And how, exactly, did you come to that conclusion?”
“Then again, since you’re able to play the guitar and the keyboard, you should be taking better care of your fingers. You should think harder about what you’re doing with your life, Murase-kun.”
“I’d rather think harder about figuring out what you’re trying to say, first…”
“With that being said, here is your present.”
Rinko suddenly changed topics and surprised me by reaching down the side of the sofa and revealing a paper bag.
In it were a pair of leather gloves. They looked thin at first glance, but my hands felt quite warm when I tried putting them on. I hesitantly checked Rinko’s face.
“You recently mentioned how your hands can get so numb with cold that it gets hard to play anything, right?
“Oh… Yeah, that does happen. Thank you so much. These will be a great help.”
She looked extremely proud of herself.
“By wearing these, your fingers will stay warm, meaning you could even play the piano outdoors in the winter.”
“What kind of scenario are you even imagining?”
“For example, what if you somehow lose your home, and you find yourself having to play music on the streets in the dead of winter to get by?”
“I could just find a part-time job instead, if that ever happened!”
“But shouldn’t you be devoting everything you have to music?”
“The only people who can say something like that are the people who have the luxury of doing so in the first place!”
“But you wouldn’t have to worry. After all, if that ever happened, I will be right there, playing the piano beside you.”
“You keep adding more to this what-if scenario, but I’m just understanding it less and less.”
“Oh, it’s the second part, the sinfonia,” Rinko said, turning to point at the screen. The first part of the cantata was coming to an end, leading into the sinfonia that was the start of the second part — the same sinfonia I had mixed into the accompaniment I wrote. And just like that, our nonsensical back-and-forth came to an unresolved end.
We also went back to eating, leisurely enjoying our meal as we listened to Bach.
It was only after we finished watching the DVD that I had the opportunity to give Rinko her present, and her eyes widened as she saw me pull a package out of my bag.
“I hadn’t expected you to be so thoughtful, Murase-kun.”
“Well, um, it is Christmas and all, you know…”
I started feeling embarrassed.
“May I open it?”
“Y-yeah, of course.”
I became painfully aware of how hard my heart was pounding as I watched Rinko carefully peel away the tape that kept the package wrapped; I couldn’t help but wonder — had I picked the right gift? Would she even like it?
Rinko’s eyes widened again when she finished unwrapping the package and examined the plastic case that had emerged before speaking.
“You may be the only person in the world who would ever give a synthesizer program as a Christmas gift to a girl.”
“Well, um, it’s just, I mean… I wasn’t sure what I should get you, but then I thought about something you would find useful, and I remembered you had said something about wanting to be able to make a house music kind of tone.”
The plastic case Rinko was holding had software that compiled different sound tone data for use with synthesizers; for this one in particular, I also included a collection of digital sound sources that were common in techno-pop.
“I did. And I’m very happy you remembered,” she answered, and her honest words came as a relief. I had been ready for her to make fun of my gift, to laugh at it, or do something worse, so I was glad she liked it.
“But isn’t something like this usually very expensive?”
“Well, yeah, but… Actually, the truth is… I was able to get it for free using all the points I had saved up at the music store I go to.”
Rinko gave a gentle smile.
“Everything about this gift is so very like you, Murase-kun.”
“R-really?”
“And that part of you is why I –“
At that moment, the phone in my pocket began to vibrate.
It was an alarm I had set for 2:50 PM, the time limit to my next appointment.
“Ah… I’m so sorry, but I have to go. There’s some shopping that I really need to get done.”
While Rinko usually showed very little emotion on her face, in that moment, there was disappointment, so clearly visible on her face.
“There’s… shopping? That you need to get done..?”
“Yeah, something like that…”
I could have easily just told her I was meeting up with Shizuki to help her buy some things for tomorrow… That would have been much clearer, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“I see. Well, I would be happier if you could have stayed, with me, for longer, but…”
She sounded so serious, almost despondent, that I felt a knot beginning to form in my stomach.
“…We can always spend more time together next Christmas. I will even have a cake prepared then.”
I blinked in surprise as a faint smile appeared on Rinko’s face. Had she really said ‘next Christmas’? As in, she wanted to watch a concert video again next year? Hearing that made me really happy. But what was that about the cake? And the presents exchange and spending more time together..?
Wasn’t that… just celebrating Christmas?
Wait, weren’t we celebrating Christmas right now? So what then? What was I supposed to think? I couldn’t just keep staring at Rinko’s smile, so I turned away.
“Thank you for the food, and for the DVD, too. Both were really good.”
As I mumbled my gratitude, Rinko responded immediately.
“I should be thanking you too, Murase-kun. Listening to the song together with you made me happy. I daresay I like the song even more now.”
Wow, did she… actually know how suggestive she sounded, saying that? I still had my head down, but my heart was started pounding so fast it felt like it would burst free of my chest.
“Then, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, Murase-kun. And even if you won’t be there with us, I will show them all the greatest PNO ever.”
It was already 3:25 PM when I came out of Ikebukuro’s west exit and onto the square; Shizuki spotted me almost immediately and came running over, furiously waving her hand.
“Makoto-san! I’m so glad you’re here!”
In the direction where she had come from, I noticed a number of guys with disgruntled faces loudly click their tongues as they stalked off.
“It was so scary. So many men kept coming up to me…”
As she spoke, Shizuki tightly clutched onto my arm.
“I’m sorry for getting here so late…”
Shizuki wore a fluffy, white fur coat over black leggings, and her hair sported an intricate braid that looked cute and appealing. It was no surprise that a girl as lovely as her, standing all alone at Nishiguchi Park on Christmas Eve, would have random guys approaching her.
“It’s fine now that you’re here, Makoto-san! Because I know you’ll beat up anyone who tries to get close!”
“It bothers me that you’re expecting me to do something like that…”
Still, considering our band, with the exception of myself, was all girls, it wasn’t surprising that most of our fans were guys, and it wasn’t unlikely we would run into trouble with that some day. It would be a good idea for us to have a plan ahead of time in case something did happen, especially if it was something I couldn’t handle — or so I was thinking when Shizuki pulled me along by the hand and walked us to the theater.
The outdoor theatre of Nishiguchi Park in Ikebukuro was a magnificent structure, equipped with a large screen and enough seats for about five hundred people. However, anyone who wanted to sit needed to make a reservation like we did; on the other hand, everyone was free to stand and watch. Even now, more people began gathering, huddled together under jackets and jumpers as they formed a tight circle around the stage.
Once we had taken our seats, Shizuki looked down at my hand and spoke.
“Your gloves are quite nice! Are they new?”
“Oh, uh, these? They were, uh, given to me.”
For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her they were from Rinko; internally, I made excuses, telling myself that wasn’t a detail worth mentioning in the first place.
“That was close — I thought about buying gloves for you, and you could have been left with repeated gifts.”
“Huh?”
Shizuki retrieved a small package wrapped in green paper from her handbag. A gold sticker seal and red ribbon decorated its surface.
“And so here’s your gift, Makoto-san. I’m giving it to you now in case I forget to later.”
So Shizuki also had a gift for me. I felt relief surging through me; I was glad I also prepared one for her.
I gently peeled off the tape sealing the package and reached into its lip. My fingers brushed against cloth and took out a small linen rectangle sporting an embroidered red spider lily — this was… a wallet, I think? It seemed a little too small for one.
I undid the clasp that held it closed and peeked into it; I could see a several thin pockets.
“You can use this to hold your USB drives,” Shizuki explained, “And the pockets you see inside of it can be used to carry smaller things, like guitar picks or loose change.”
“Oh I see. Having one of these would be really helpful, especially since I always get worried about losing my memory sticks. But I never knew this was something I could buy.”
“Rather than buying it, I actually made this myself,” Shizuki revealed so casually that I couldn’t help but feel taken aback.
“Wait, you made this? Like, this is entirely handmade? With an embroidery as amazing as this?”
“It’s nothing much. ‘Sewing is part of your basic training, demonstrating elegance,’ mother had said, so because of her, I learned how.”
Knowing her mother was the headmistress of a flower arrangement school only served to make that much more frightening to think about, to say the least.
“Now that I know your gift is handmade, I’m a little embarrassed abut the present I got for you…”
I couldn’t help but let my true feelings show. Despite what I said, Shizuki’s eyes seemed to light up, and she drew her face closer to mine.
“You got a present? For me? That makes me so happy! You don’t need to be embarrassed at all! I would love anything you give me, Makoto-san!”
Her excitement began drawing attention from all around us, so I quickly fished one of the packages from the bag I was carrying to quiet her down. I took a moment to make sure I hadn’t picked out the wrong item before handing it over.
“Wow…! This is…”
As soon as she unwrapped it and saw what was inside, Shizuki smiled so brightly that for a moment, I found myself not feeling the cold December afternoon around us.
“Grip tape! And with such cute designs! Thank you so much, Makoto-san! Mine is already worn out, so I was just thinking it was time to replace it!”
It was a kind of tape used to keep drumsticks from slipping out of hands while in use. Since this stuff tend to wear out pretty fast, I figured it would make a great present for a certain drummer. It was unusual for grip tape come in flower patterns like this one, so when I found it, I knew I had to buy it.
“They used kikyou and rindou flowers… I didn’t know they made grip tape with these kinds of lovely patterns. I’m amazed you found something like this, Makoto-san.”
“I didn’t really, uh, well I just happened to find it, so it’s not like I went out of my way for it…”
I still felt guilty over what I gave to her compared to what she gave to me, though I was glad Shizuki was happy to receive my present.
Just as we finished exchanging gifts, our surroundings began to grow noises. It seemed the performers had finally come out onto the stage.
They were a diverse group: the pianist was a dark-skinned man wearing a thin T-shirt despite the cold weather, the bassist was tanned brown but looked like he was from Central Asia, and the tenor saxophonist seemed to be Japanese. All three of them looked to be in their forties.
“So they don’t have a drummer. That’s pretty unusual for a trio.”
“But their groove is amazing. As a drummer, it is really interesting to see.”
Once they began to play, the lively youthfullness of their sound quickly overwhelmed me.
Their songs mixed standard carols like Santa Claus is Coming to Town and White Christmas with their own melodies in rotation, creating original songs that seemed to expand with furious ad-lib. Without a drummer to keep the beat on an absolute axis, the center seemed to shift and change like a kaleidoscope of echoed sound. At times, it did feel like the saxophone took on the role of a rhythm instrument, demonstrating the depths of jazz.
Their performance went on for about an hour nearly nonstop. As they played out their finish, both Shizuki and I rose to our feet, clapping our hands high above our heads.
“The three of them are very busy overseas and rarely come to Japan, so it is amazing that I had the opportunity to listen to them live, together with you, Makoto-san!”
Shizuki seemed to have a bounce in her step as we made our way out, not that I wasn’t also so excited that I felt warm enough to take off my coat despite the winter weather. We went into a nearby cafe after leaving the show and both ordered iced coffees.
We rested for about twenty minutes before heading out for the Tobu Department Store.
“You look quite sexy today, Makoto-san. Did your sister coordinate your outfit?”
As we rode the escalator, Shizuki took a closer look at me before asking that question.
“What I want to know is, how did you figure that out?”
Rinko had also been just as quick to notice and ask. Was it really that obvious?
“Although we only saw her in passing last time, I could still tell she is very fashionable, and the outfit you have on now has a very similar tone. And this coat — is for women, right? The only men who could wear something like this are people like you, Makoto-san.”
She figured all of this out despite seeing my sister just once? That’s terrifying.
“You have such a wonderful sister. I wish she could be my sister, too.”
“You’re an only child, right?”
“That’s right, and that’s why I’ve always wanted siblings — wait, I mean, it’s not that I just want siblings! I mean I want your sister. To! Be! My sister!”
Why did she emphasize every word like that? I really didn’t get this girl sometimes.
When we arrived at the section for women’s clothing, Shizuki became visibly excited.
“Wow, look at this one piece! I think it would look great on you, Makoto-san!”
“Why are you picking out clothes for me? I’m not going to be wearing them…”
“Oh, well, you don’t have to worry about the price since I will be the one paying for it.”
“That wasn’t what I was worrying about. And weren’t we supposed to be looking to buy something for you? Something that would help you stand out on stage?”
“That was just an excu–, I mean, um..!” Shizuki stopped herself, staring down at her handbag in a panic, “The grip tape you gave me will be more than enough for me to stand out!”
I don’t think the audience would be able to notice grip tape, but, well, I guess she never actually intended to look for a stage prop — did she just want to hang out together? She could have just said so from the very beginning.
“You know… you could have just invited me to see the concert and go shopping like normal, and I would have been happy to go with you.”
After hearing my words, Shizuki flushed a bright red and turned her head, looking down. After a moment, she faced me again.
“If you put it that way, then it’s time to for clothes shopping, and I won’t be holding back! I want to have an outfit that you like, Makoto-san, so I expect you to pick out the pieces!”
What the… Don’t just go and put that kind of responsibility on me.
But heedless to my plight, Shizuki began dragging me across the clothing section. It was here that I learned for myself just how suffocating and agonizing it was for a man to have to wait for a female companion as she tried on different clothes in a fitting room.
“What do you think of this, Makoto-san?”
The curtain of the fitting room suddenly flew open, revealing Shizuki in a different outfit. Despite this happening multiple times by now, I still couldn’t help but look away each time.
“Please look at this outfit and tell me what you think, Makoto-san!”
No, I mean, wait, how was I supposed to do that? I felt my eyes focus on a basket behind her, a basket that held the clothes Shizuki had just changed out of. For some reason, I felt like I shouldn’t have been staring there.
“Right, um… I think you look good. Actually, you look good in everything, Shizuki.”
“Well if you put it that way, I might have a problem: I’ll have to buy everything!”
At a loss for words, I stared pleadingly at a nearby clerk. The woman took in the situation at a glance and came over, wearing a wry smile that relieved my unease by some percent.
“If you don’t mind me saying, miss, I would suggest you pick something that would complement your boyfriend’s style. Perhaps something in cooler colors?”
“What did you just say? Please say that one more time!”
Shizuki practically leapt over to clerk from where she stood in front of the fitting room. The clerk’s eyes swam with confusion.
“Um, I said, you should pick something that would complement your boyfriend’s –“
“That part! Say that part again! Actually, please keep repeating that part!”
Okay, that was enough out of her; I pushed Shizuki back into the fitting room and drew the curtain closed before apologizing to the clerk. I was very sorry for her antics, and I just want to be clear: I wasn’t her boyfriend.
It was 5:55 PM when I arrived at Sunshine 60 — very late, in other words.
I parted ways with Shizuki after telling her I had something I needed to get to; I wouldn’t soon forget how pale she turned when I told her. She had forced a smile and saw me off with a “See you tomorrow!” anyway, but I still felt my heart ache. It wasn’t like I could tell her I was going to meet up with Kaya either — that would just make things even more complicated.
“Where have you been? The show’s already starting!”
Kaya, already waiting for me inside the planetarium’s reception hall, raised an eyebrow as she saw me come in. As for me, I stiffened in shock; I was more surprised than apologetic when I saw her.
“…What is it? Is something wrong?”
Kaya puffed out her cheeks in exasperation.
“Uh, it’s nothing. Just, I’m really sorry I got here so late.”
I couldn’t just tell her how captivating she looked, and I mean, while Rinko and Shizuki had put all of their effort into looking great today, Kaya’s hair, outfit, and make-up were just on a whole other level… Was this the work of a professional stylist? In fact, if Kaya had told me she was here to shoot a commercial for the planetarium, I very well would have believed her.
That being said though…
There were couples all around us, which I should have expected — we were at a planetarium after all, and on Christmas Eve, no less.
As a bonus, the seating area in the planetarium was designed in a way that allowed guests to lay down and stare up; it was spacious, and there were large cushions and arrangements so that pairs could be together.
Was it really okay for Kaya to be doing something like this? I could already imagine her manager, Shiraishi-san, getting angry if she were to find out.
“Check it out, Murase-senpai. It says here that different musicians organize the show, and for this year’s Christmas program…” Kaya said, coming close to me – too close even – as she opened up a pamphlet, “It looks like Kyouko Kashmir produced it!”
Her words took me in such surprise that I’d forgotten everything I was thinking about and immediately focused on the pamphlet.
And just as Kaya said, the pamphlet named Kyouko Kashmir as the composer and producer of this year’s program.
“I knew you’d be really interested, Murase-senpai. Although I didn’t think I’d actually get tickets. I heard there were a lot of people who really wanted to get in.”
“Yeah, I bet… And, uh, thank you for inviting me.”
At that moment, the lights in the room went dark.
A voice announced the start of the show — that was definitely Kyouko-san’s voice.
I leaned back, resting my head against my cushion. It felt as though gravity had disappeared in the darkness around me, and the rush of weightlessness seemed to carry my body into the night sky.
it was as if I were in a trance; listening to the piece that was playing. The strings were as vast as a sea of clouds, the percussions would cut in on occasion like flashes of lightning, and the multilayered ensemble was like the hazy rift between clouds, holding together a rich environment of sounds.
And soon, the clouds gave way.
From a translucent, jet-black figure came the tremolo of a piano that scattered the stars. As the sound reached me, I felt as if the boundary separating what was outside of my body from what was inside begin to waver and then fade away.
And for the next forty minutes, it was like I had melted and become part of that vast, open space. Even after the music had stopped and low lights once again illuminated the room, I couldn’t quite get back on my feet.
“…Murase-senpai? Are you okay?”
A voice prickled my ears — Kaya. She was peering into my face from above, and I probably looked pretty sloppy going by how anxious her expression was.
“…Oh, sorry. I must’ve gotten really into it.”
“I-is that what happened… You had me really worried for a moment.”
Kaya scanned our surroundings, watching as the couples around us began getting to their feet.
“…Oh no, I think I’m feeling a little weak in the knees. I think we should sit down for a little while longer.”
With that, Kaya threw herself back down onto the cushion, leaning in closer to me, and to my surprise, she rested her head on my upper arm. Her doing so really drove in how dangerous the design of this type of seating was — I mean, it was practically a double bed, wasn’t it?
To make things worse, my legs seemed to be going numb too, so I couldn’t get up just yet.
It would have been awkward if we just lay here side-by-side without saying anything, so I tried to think of something to talk about with her.
“So the, uh, performance — it was really amazing. The music really synched up with the visuals, and then there was the way the vocals came in to emphasize the stars; I really liked how it all came together. I think I want to do a live show like this someday, if I could, though I can’t imagine how much work it would be, or how much it’d cost.”
“Was that what you were thinking about during the show? The whole time?”
I could hear Kaya’s displeased voice coming from right beside my ear.
“Huh..? I mean, weren’t you? It was one of Kyouko-san’s songs and all, so of course I was paying close attention to the music. And, uh, I did look up at the stars, but it’s not like I know much about constellations or anything.”
“I wasn’t talking about the stars either.”
“You weren’t? Wait, then, what were you…”
“Okay, that’s enough, let’s get going already, Murase-senpai.”
Kaya forcefully pulled me to my feet.
“I bet you must be hungry by now! Where should we eat?”
Kaya continued pulling me along, and we soon arrived at the food court on the third floor of Sunshine City. Because it was Christmas Eve on a Friday night, long lines snaked out of every restaurant. I was just about to suggest we go somewhere else since it was looking impossible, but Kaya confidently brought us over to an Italian restaurant.
“Isn’t this place a little full?”
“Please wait here for a minute, Murase-senpai. I’ll check with the waiter, but you don’t have to follow along.”
I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d meant with that cryptic command, but I nonetheless stayed where I was. Kaya, on the other hand, walked up to an elderly-looking staffmember and talked for a short while before coming back over to me.
“Apparently they have a table available for us, so let’s head inside! That sure was lucky, wasn’t it?”
“Did you say something about a reservation or…?” I asked, having overheard a little of what she had talked about with the staffmember.
“What?! N-no, that must have been your imagination!” Kaya stammered in a fluster. She looked rather impatient now and quickly walked back into the restaurant. I wasn’t sure what to make of it; she didn’t need to hide the fact that she had made one, and to be honest, I was grateful that she did.
Still, I had eaten quite a lot back at Rinko’s house earlier, so I wasn’t that hungry, despite it being dinner now. I ended up just ordering a pasta dish and a salad.
When the staff finished taking our orders and walked away with our menus, Kaya excitedly began to speak.
“That reminds me, Murase-senpai, I listened to that new song you uploaded this morning! It was so good!”
“New… Oh, right, that. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
So she had already seen it, huh. Right, she was a pretty big MusaOtoko fan.
“If you count your pre-MusaOtoko era works, this is your sixth baroque-style arrangement, after Great Tokyo Monteverdi Melancholica, right? The violin solo this time was very effective, and I noticed you applied some effects over a tambourine to make it sound like a bell. There was also that sound like glass that went really well with the part where you started singing in a falsetto.”
It was scary how this girl picked out all those details. And wait, did she just say ‘pre-MusaOtoko era’? In what world was that a real period of music?
“But you weren’t cross-dressing, were you? That was the only disappointing part.”
“Okay, look, the only reason why I ever cross-dressed in the first place was because it was my last resort, to boost my view count. And I don’t need to do it anymore.”
“Which is why this is my present to you, Murase-senpai…”
Since this was the third today something like this had happened, I was no longer surprised. What did put me on guard was hearing her preface her sentence with “which is why”. I took her package, and when I unwrapped it, I found…
“…A cosmetics kit!”
The package held a cloth case, and inside the cloth case were several small sparkling bottles. I glanced back and forth between the contents of the case and Kaya’s proud expression.
I couldn’t just tell her I didn’t need a gift like this, could I…
“This is, um… I’m not sure what to say, but… thanks?”
“You can go ahead and give it to your sister, Murase-senpai.”
“Huh? Are you sure?” I asked in surprise. I had been thinking of secretly doing so – that is, without telling Kaya – and it had caught me off-guard for her to suggest doing so to begin with.
“Well, I mean, your sister is the one who does your make-up, right?”
“I don’t use make-up to begin with.”
“But your sister is the one who coordinated your outfit today, right? I mean, you’re wearing a woman’s coat, after all.”
“Okay, seriously, how is it that everyone has noticed?”
“Who’s everyone?”
“Oh, uh, ahem, just a slip of the tongue,” I said with a cough. “Anyway, yeah, I’ll just let my sister take care of it then. She’ll probably be happy about it. And thank you for the gift.”
I didn’t want to stay on the topic of make-up, so I quickly retrieved the present I had prepared. Kaya had quite the reaction when she saw it: her face flushed bright-red, and she began to tremble.
“F-f-for me?! Murase-senpai, you’re, um, giving a Christmas present? Like, for me? No way… I can’t…”
“Is it really that surprising? And I mean, it’s not like I can just receive presents without giving something back, you know.”
And just like that, Kaya impatiently began untying the ribbon, unable to wait any longer.
Her voice suddenly cracked when she discovered the three palm-sized bottles that had been inside the package.
“This is… um… Are these also cosmetics, Murase-senpai?”
“They’re not cosmetics; its oil and wax — stuff for instrument maintenance.”
Did they really look like beauty products? I don’t think I’d ever seen beauty products come in containers like these before…
“So I recently noticed this, but… you haven’t really done anything to take care of your instrument, have you? It might not be my business, but I was kind of getting worried, and, uh, yeah, sorry if I’m being too nosey.”
“Ah…”
Kaya seemed to shrink into her seat. I had suspected as much, but considering she didn’t know much about musicians in the first place, I wasn’t very surprised that she didn’t know much about her instrument outside of playing it.
“Y-yeah, what you’re saying is right… But thank you very much for your gift, Murase-senpai,” Kaya finally answered, turning to give the bottles a loving glance. “I will cherish this oil and wax, that you have given me, for the rest of my life.”
“You’re not supposed to cherish it; you’re supposed to use it up.”
It was now that the waiter returned with our food, and as we ate, I explained how she should be cleaning her instruments.
After we finished our meal, we made our way out of Sunshine 60. By now it was completely dark outside, but the lights decorating the entrance of the building just shined even brighter; they were dazzling stars studding the earth, so blinding that it was impossible to see the stars in the sky over Ikebukuro.
“So now what?” Kaya asked, excited as ever. Her breath came out like white smoke against the colorful lights. “Should we go somewhere now? Like a darts bar?”
“What are you talking about? It’s time to go home.”
“Huh? B-but why?! You just spent Christmas Eve with a girl – visited a planetarium together, ate dinner together, and even exchanged gifts together – and you’re just going to go home after all that?!”
“Of course we’re going home. And you have a curfew, don’t you?”
“Aaahhh!!”
Kaya flapped both arms as she cried out in frustration.
And after making our way to Ikebukuro station, we said our last goodbyes at the ticket gate before parting for our separate terminals.
“Make sure you’re there tomorrow, to watch us on stage, Murase-senpai! We’re going to put on such an amazing performance that will leave you begging to come back!”
And with that final sulk, Kaya passed through the ticket gate and ran away, towards the stairs.
While on the train coming home, I received a new LINE message from Akane.
“My house party with my parents ended earlier than I expected.”
“When do you wanna meet up?”
I checked the time — it was already past 8 PM. Had Kaya gotten home without breaking curfew?
“We can meet up now. I’ll be at the station’s east exit.” I replied
Before long, the train arrived at my stop, and I passed the ticket gate. Warm lights bathed me in their glow as I came out from the east exit; compared to the aggressive dazzle and sparkle of Ikebukuro’s display, the lights that decorated here, my hometown, were much more subdued and homely, like a hearth for baking bread. There were many people bustling about the station square, under the comforting glow of lights, and it seemed more were families than couples spending their time together.
And there, right at the center of the plaza, I spotted a familiar back — Akane.
Even without seeing her face, I just knew that had to be Akane.
The way other visitors milled about the plaza made it seem like they had given her a wide berth, and so she stood there at the brightly-lit center like a lonely silhouette, like the final glimmer of a fleeting, fragile star. I quickened my steps to get to her faster, but my legs began to give out midway, until I finally stopped just a few meters away from her.
She was just a few steps away from being within my reach, and yet she felt so far away all the same; it was like the space between us had become a vaccum spanning lightyears.
But before long, Akane herself slowly turned around.
Her eyes, in a dreamlike haze, suddenly cleared in recognition as they reflected me.
“Makoto-chan..? What’s wro– wait, what the, why did you come from that side?”
The sound of Akane’s confused voice yanked me back into reality as she jogged over. Right, she had probably expected I would be coming from up the road and not from the station itself, which was why she had been facing away.
“Well, uh, I just came back from doing a little shopping.”
“Oh?”
Akane’s eyes darted over to the bag I was carrying. In response, I reached into it and pulled out my present to her, offering it. Her eyes went round in surprise.
“…Huh? You got a present? For me?”
“Is it really that surprising?”
“Oh, uh, sorry, I meant like, you went out to buy this?”
I hadn’t, but I felt not clearing up her misunderstanding would be less problematic than explaining otherwise, so I just smiled, keeping it vague.
“Can I open it?”
I nodded, and Akane began to undo the ribbon and unwrap the package.
“Whoooa! You got me a Loop Station?!”
Akane happily exclaimed; she looked like she was about to start bouncing about out of joy. My gift to her was a crimson compact effect pedal, a device for guitars that could record short phrases and play them back in a loop. It was useful for making complex ensembles using only a guitar, and it was a must-have for any guitar enthusiast.
“I remember you said you were into Ed Sheeran, and so…”
“I’m so happy right now! You sure it was okay for you to give me something like this? ‘Cause I’m gonna, like, use it a whole lot, you know!”
“Well, yeah, you should be using it a lot. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get you something like this since its not something you really use in a band, but I did want to see how you’d use it for yourself.”
This was the fourth present I gave today. I was thankful the girls all liked the gifts I’d given; I had been really worried because I wasn’t sure what I could give that would make a girl happy, so I’d ended up buying everything at a music store.
“I can’t believe you gave me something this amazing, Makoto-chan. Now I’m embarrassed that all I’ve got for you is this.”
Akane gave a shy smile as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small paper bag.
She presented the bag to me. I took it and carefully opened it to peek inside.
Inside was a smaller bag that held teardrop-shaped bits of plastic that piled together to form a small cylinder — guitar picks.
“This… isn’t this our band logo? These are custom-made — did you make them yourself?”
Charming gold lettering decorated the face of the pick, spelling out ‘Paradise NoiSe Orchestra’.
“Yep! At first I was only gonna make a few for myself, but then I thought I should make you some as well. And look: I know you like the teardrops, while I prefer triangle picks, so I had both kinds made! And they’re made of a nylon blend, so they’ll be pretty sturdy.”
“…I’m surprised you knew what kind of picks I liked.”
Since I played the bass and picked with my fingers, I had no idea how she could have known my preference.
“Remember when we visited your room the other day? That’s when I figured it out!”
“Oh, that makes sense… And thank you for this gift… Now that you’ve given me something like this, I feel like I want to get back on the stage.”
“You know you could just come up there with us tomorrow, right?”
Yeah, no, I think I’ll pass on that. Besides, I haven’t practiced together with the band in a while now.
“Ah..! It’s already 8:30! The show’s about to start!”
Akane pointed toward a corner of the plaza. There, the lights began changing color – from to blue to green, then to yellow, and finally white – to create a colorful ring overhead that seemed to dance and spread into the sky.
“It was worth waiting around in the cold just to see this.”
Akane said with a laugh that formed clouds of white that wrapped around her face. On closer glance, it looked like her lips had begun to lose color.
“Should we find someplace with a roof? It’s only going to get colder with the wind blowing.”
“Nah, it’s okay; these are premium seats since they’ve got the best view. And besides…”
Akane drew closer before slipping a hand into my pocket.
“I’ll be warm enough if I do this.”
She caught me in such surprise that I froze up in place. I did warm up — or rather, my body was beginning to heat up, and I could practically feel my heart pounding in my ears. Despite the thick clothes between, I could clearly feel the heat coming off Akane’s body.
“Oh hey, that’s a pretty nice coat! It feels really nice!”
Saying that, Akane pressed a cheek into my shoulder. I began to panic even more, and my fever-addled brain couldn’t help but blurt out anything that came to mind.
“So, uh, yeah, uh, about this coat… Actually, um…”
I started speaking only to stop myself from finishing my sentence.
So up to this point, the others had all known somehow it was my sister who coordinated my outfit, but it seemed Akane hadn’t figured it out yet. It might be better for me to keep quiet to save myself the embarrassment…
“It’s your sister’s, right? Don’t worry, I think it looks good on you!”
“How are all of you figuring this out?!”
“‘All of you’?”
“Oh, um, never mind.”
“You know, I’ve always wanted to wear something like this, but I never thought it’d look good on me. Wearing skinny jeans under it was a good idea. Your sister sure has good taste. Is she a model or something?”
“I don’t think so, but I don’t think she’d tell us if she were.”
“Why not? Aren’t the two of you close? I mean, you’re at least close enough that she’d lend you her clothes.”
“I don’t know about being close, but… Well, I wouldn’t say we don’t get along, but she enjoys teasing me all the time. Like the reason why I ever cross-dressed to begin with was because she forced me to.”
“So that’s how it started…”
Akane said with a laugh, as her breath came out in white clumps that drifted about her chest.
“So I just wanna say, I’m really thankful of your sister.”
I blinked rapidly in surprise as I turned to stare at Akane. She was looking up at the lights, whose colorful flickering cast shades that seemed to dance about her cheeks and glimmer like bits of jewelry in her eyes.
“You’re… thankful?”
Akane turned to stare at me, her eyes narrowing.
“Of course. Because of her, you started cross-dressing, which led to Misao-san blackmailing you, and then we eventually met. So I’m thankful because everything that happened started with your sister.”
That kind of progression… Was that really how it went? Not that it wasn’t at least partly true, at least.
“And I’m really glad I met you, Makoto-chan. Because if I hadn’t, I might still be sitting in a corner of Moon Echo, selling my services and hanging out with a bunch of boring bands. And on Christmas, I would’ve run away, out here, alone, to get away from suffocating at home with my family…”
Akane turned back to stare at the cloud of lights above us. I followed her gaze up, watching as the motes of light traveled up and down the sky like the wave of a conductor’s baton calling for pianissimo from the orchestra. It was a gentle, humble, and determined motion.
Had we never met… we may very well have instead basked in these lights alone.
Alone, huh… That was one possibility of what could have been…
But I don’t think that would have been the end of it, and though the circumstances would be a little different, we still would have met.
“Even if the factors that led to us meeting didn’t exist… we still would have eventually met. I believe it.”
“…Huh?”
I could feel the warm curiosity of Akane’s stare bore into my face, but I paid it no mind. I continued talking as I watched the rhythm of light before me.
“We would have met one day, no matter what. Even if we hadn’t met that day, in Moon Echo, I just know… one way or another, we would have met. That’s what I think.”
If I were asked why…
…It’s because that’s what ‘they’ wanted.
“Yeah…. That’s right…”
After a long pause, Akane muttered to herself.
She leaned in closer, resting her small warmth against me. I felt the hand she still held in my pocket open before balling up again, like she was checking for something.
“And that very same Makoto-chan, who claims he’s fated to inevitably meet me, selfishly left the band on his own, huh?”
She changed to a teasing tone, and the sudden shift surprised me into a cough.
“N-no, that’s not… I mean…”
“Yeah, I know, I’m just teasing. And for the record, I think you did pretty well as a solo. That Christmas song you put up this morning was really good.”
“…I’m happy you think so.”
“Hey! What I’m trying to say is, you should have finished it sooner! Then we could have played it tomorrow!”
“You know I had to write the entire song myself, right? It’s been so long since I’ve written anything on my own that it was hard to remember how to do it, which is why it took so long to write.”
Akane giggled in response.
“Haha, to be fair, we’ve been practicing another Christmas song, so you don’t gotta worry about that.”
“Another Christmas song?”
“Yep, a cover of another song, for an encore. It’s not a very famous song, so I don’t think you’ll recognize it, Makoto-chan.”
When had they found the time to practice that? Well, I guess I did skip out on the past few practice sessions, so they probably practiced it then.
“So because you left – it’s a little weird to be saying it like that – we decided we should be able to play a song you weren’t involved in, or something like that. We might’ve rushed the practice for it a bit, but we all really hope you enjoy hearing it.”
“That’s… well, all right. When you put it that way, I can’t wait to hear it.”
The wave of light above us began to settle down, eventually becoming a gentle twinkle.
And just like that, the people around us, who had gathered for this light show, also began to disperse into smaller groups, joyfully chattering and laughing as they went on their way.
“So that’s it, huh,” Akane muttered, “I think the next show starts at 9…”
“I dunno about that one. It’s getting pretty cold..”
“All right, so let’s get back to my place! Or, should we go to yours?”
“And what time, exactly, do you think it is right now?”
“In the morning then?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
It was past 10 PM by the time I finally got home. In the end, neither Akane nor I had been able to bear the cold for much more and so we moved to a family restaurant by the front of the station, where we passed the time talking.
No one else was home; the hallway and the living room were completely dark and silent.
As I took my shower, I felt the last dregs of my stamina begin to ebb away, like the beads of water that dripped from the ends of my hair, down into the drain.
I was completely exhausted.
I changed into my pajamas and, having no energy left to dry my hair, immediately crawled into bed. This was the very first time in my life I ever went through such an arduous Christmas Eve — I’d met up with four different people, spent several hours with each of them, and then exchanged gifts. Of course, it was all very fun and an exciting new experience for me, but I really hoped I would never have to go through something like this ever again. It would have been much easier if this had been spread out over four days — I wished Christmas went on for several days, like how it did in ancient Europe…
Still, it wasn’t quite over yet. There was still the live show tomorrow.
I was just another attendee this time, meaning I wouldn’t have to leave early for a final rehearsal and could sleep in. That didn’t mean I could be late though, so I still set an alarm just in case.
I grabbed my phone to check the view count of the song I uploaded this morning; the number had grown quite steadily.
It was then that I noticed the notification tick next to the MisaOtoko channel.
It had been exactly another seven days since the previous video. The time of the upload was even the same: 6 PM.
But this time, this ‘Advent #4’ wasn’t a song I recognized.
How unexpected, when the three songs before this were all pretty famous.
Maybe it was another Christmas song, one whose melody I couldn’t remember. Or maybe I couldn’t hear it because the jingle of the toy piano made it unrecognizable.
But that didn’t change how sweet and nostalgic it sounded.
With my earphones still on, I slowly closed my eyes. I saw a canvas of stars decorating the night sky of my eyelids, raining down over me. Each glimmer fell to the floor like fingers pressing on a keyboard to make beautiful sounds.
Headcanon TL 
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